Everyone has a life story, but only Christ Followers have a powerful testimony of what God has done and is still doing in their life. I’m so excited to tell you my story… which wouldn’t exist without Him.

Not only did I have the awesome privilege of growing up a real country gal, but I was also blessed to be raised in a Christian home. The church was an integral part of my life, as was devotions at breakfast right before Mom hauled us to the bus stop.

Then there was a week at a Christian Camp, every year for ten summers. It was here during a worship service that the Holy Spirit called my name to the thunderous beating of my heart. Later that night, in my bunk bed, my life was forever illuminated by the light of Christ as my counselor guided me through Scripture explaining how to have a relationship with Jesus.  I decided to ask for forgiveness and put my trust in Him as my Lord and Savior. I was twelve years old.

After that everything was glorious, right? Not exactly, I was just hitting adolescence- yep hormones went haywire. Uncontrollable emotions and insecurities ran my life as I tried to find my place, my footing, my identity. Satan was hard at work convincing me that I had to prove my worth to others. Pressures at school and home, along with challenging relationships and mood swings created a toxic mix of teen turmoil. I believe Satan sees the teen years as perfect opportunities to establish monumental strongholds in our thoughts and hearts at such a ripe, searching and vulnerable age. Knowing Christ as Savior kept me from making many dangerous choices during those confusing years, but I didn’t yet understand how to rely on His power that went far beyond saving me from sin.

College turned out to be an incredible beginning to my adult years. I met my husband and had so many wonderful experiences. Though there were challenges, overall it was a time of healing and spiritual growth. Little did I know that God was giving me calm in between massive storms of my life.

A few years later, I experienced postpartum depression after my first son was born. My life had swung in a direction that I was completely unprepared for.  I was so happy to be a mother in my spirit, but the toll it took on my body left me in a very bad place. Problems with nursing, lack of sleep and experience as a mother, and home responsibilities, left me feeling empty, unworthy, guilty, and undesirable even though I had a precious new son and a wonderfully supportive husband. Satan’s devastating lies and lures were back again only worse and just like before I bought into them. Only this time they affected more people than just me. We were a family of three. I was tormented with negative thoughts about myself and sudden flashes of terror. I saw awful things happening to my baby and envisioned my husband leaving us. Images that seemed so real with no off switch. I thought I was going crazy.

I prayed to The Lord, but my prayers didn’t seem very effective. I started to doubt if I had a relationship with Jesus after all and this terrified me. Before the demands of a high maintenance baby, I spent time with God and served Him faithfully. At night, I’d silently cry out to God for help as I was beyond exhausted and my baby didn’t sleep much.  I was like a zombie. I hardly smiled, unless it was at my son.

 I tried to make meaningful conversation with my husband, but it often ended in me crying or getting mad at him for something he mostly didn’t deserve.  I got frustrated if he didn’t take care of the baby the way I would. I was jealous that he still had his normal life for the most part. I felt like I had lost a humongous part of myself that I would never find again.  I didn’t blame my baby or my husband. I was always so thankful for them- and so paranoid about losing them.  I blamed myself and felt so ashamed that I wasn’t giving them the life they deserved.

 I had succumbed to all of Satan’s famous lies. If I couldn’t be a good enough mother and wife and please others, I felt worthless. In reality, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I was allowing these thoughts to invade my mind and make a home there. I wasn’t praying for God to remind me that I was His- that my life had incredible meaning because of His death and resurrection.

I started learning about spiritual warfare through our pastor at that time and started seeing him for counseling. He helped me realize what I suspected about depression in my teen years. Through him, I was able to identify a variety of hurts that my current issues were feeding off of.

God used my pastor to help me get free of past situations that had left me emotionally damaged and insecure. I had to rehash some of the terrible turbulence from my teen years, but in doing so I was able to find peace and healing by forgiving others who had hurt me and by forgiving myself. This was vital for me and I was amazed at the weight that was lifted off, allowing me to move forward in my relationship with God. 

I also decided to see a doctor. I came to the conclusion that I needed medication. This decision was just one more arrow for the devil to pierce me with. In my mind, I could see him leering at me telling me how utterly pathetic I was that I couldn’t beat this on my own and that I needed the crutch of medicine.  I was also paranoid others would find out and think I was a nut case! In the end, my husband agreed and I knew that my decision to go on meds was not just for my sake, but for us as a family.

Medicine helped me quite a bit. I made noticeable steps forward, but as time progressed our family of three eventually grew to five.  Each time, for every step forward, I seemed to fall ten behind.  But, I was better prepared than before. God was working in my life and I was thankful.

Still, it is very difficult when you feel like you can’t control your own body and emotions. I felt like crying all the time, even when I didn’t know why. Other times, I would get extremely upset over things like forgetting to buy an item at the grocery store for dinner or when I disciplined my children and they told me they hated me.  I repeatedly beat myself up mentally because of my feelings of inadequacy.

There were times when Satan just kept whispering, “Just leave them…they’re better off without you and you’ll be free to be who you want to be.” At times it was tempting, but I knew in my spirit I could never do that to my family. Did I ever think about ending my life? Yes, but miraculously, The Holy Spirit enabled me to slam that door in Satan’s face instantly and it never returned.

Isolation was another part of his evil arsenal. Unfortunately, this tactic worked. I convinced myself I needed to avoid being around others as much as possible. They didn’t understand and I didn’t want to risk them seeing the shape I was in.

When I went to church or family functions, I would use the kids as an excuse to seclude myself as much as possible. Satan loved it. He didn’t want me growing in the Lord and being around people who would love on me, encourage, and pray for me. But I was so afraid they were silently judging me. Ironically those who really know you will always be able to tell when something just isn’t right. As our children grew older, I had to try harder to keep my emotions in check and act normal, but they pick up on more than we think.

This emotional roller coaster of my life continued. I tried to get rid of my thoughts and tell the devil to go away in Jesus’ Name. Sometimes, it worked, but then the devil would come back with a vengeance and I felt I didn’t have the strength to deal with it. My victories paled in comparison to his. I was disappointing God and my family and drowning in the guilt.

Stress mounted as my husband discovered the betrayal of one of his business partners, which left us in major financial trouble and the threat of losing our recently built dream home. All of this was about the same time that the economy tanked in 2008. I needed to go back to work and thankfully got a teaching position after being at home with the kids for so long.

I love teaching, but my depression was a huge obstacle.  I hadn’t taught in a decade and I would be teaching a multi-grade class. Instead of being able to hide at home and keep my issues under wraps now I was going to have the pressure of being around people.

Fear and anxiety crippled me. I was under major spiritual attack. I tried to focus on my relationship with Christ, but I was trying to fight in my own strength and as a result, I was the devil’s punching bag. Debilitating thoughts seized me day in and day out. I was paranoid that my students hated me, that I was a bad teacher and was going to get fired.

In spite of all my issues, God gave me exactly what I needed. I had so much support at the school and a very special friend that God put there temporarily, who prayed for me and spoke truth into my life. I was no longer isolated. This ended up being a balm of blessing.

I truly enjoyed having the opportunity to impact the lives of children and working at a Christian school. I also got to share the gospel and help them grow in the Lord. Singing praise songs with them daily lifted my spirit and reminded me that the Lord was with me. Teaching was also helping me take my mind off of my own problems by serving families and praying for their needs.

Those four years were pretty rough trying to balance family, home, and outside job, but God was walking me through it. He was also protecting my family. There was obvious distance and tension in my marriage and I felt so guilty at the lack of time I was spending with my children.

Then it happened. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me He had other plans for me instead of teaching school. Why Lord? I couldn’t help but ask.  I made excuses and tried to convince myself I was confused about what God wanted me to do. Teaching had become a stronger identity factor than I realized.  I didn’t want to give up how great it felt to help my students. So many areas of my life left me feeling empty and useless. But teaching made me feel successful, needed, and I was good at it.

My disobedience brought more conviction and I realized I was at a crossroad. Obey God or rebel. Going against God was only going to cause misery.  It would allow the devil another foothold. I needed to be as close as I could to The Lord. Leaving my job was also a step of faith for our family because we would once again be living on one paycheck.

Choosing to obey God opened so many doors that I would have missed out on if I had remained on my own path. The medicine was helping me mentally and physically, but I knew it was not the solution to getting my life back. I wanted to experience the joy of my salvation again. I started realizing it was up to me to make the choice of how the rest of my life could be. I have the power of the one true God ‘s Holy Spirit living in me, but I sure wasn’t living like I believed it.

When I made the decision to seek joy again and no longer settle for the pit I was bogged down neck deep in; when I cried out to the Lord to renew my spirit; when I told Him how sorry I was for straying from trusting in Him, and I confessed to conforming to the father of lies instead of being transformed by the renewing of my mind in Christ- a major turning point took place in my life!

Through the power of God, I started waging war on the enemy. The second a negative thought entered my mind, I prayed against it in Jesus’ Name. Sometimes it worked immediately and other times God was growing me, requiring me to pray more fervently and to replace the devil’s lie with God’s truth. To put on the armor of God that is found in Ephesians 6.

There were times when the harder I prayed the louder the devil roared, so I prayed louder. It was like a spiritual shouting match. No matter where I was when Satan started his mind games, I knew I had to practice capturing my thoughts right away. Training my mind to reject his lies.

I had so many strongholds. Many went as far back as my teenage years and they needed to be torn down! For over twenty years I had listened while the devil whispered his poison in my ears accepting it as truth instead of the toxin it really was. But now, His harrowing hold on my life was over!   

Months passed as I continued to put my spiritual arsenal into practice.  God started revealing new paths of ministry to me. While considering new ways to promote Operation Christmas Child in my church, I had an idea to create a character, Simon the Shoebox.

Then I started getting ideas for a story. What if I wrote a book for OCC that could help raise awareness and provide additional financial assistance? More shoeboxes meant reaching more children and providing more ministry opportunities for pastors around the world to share the gospel and start churches. It seemed impossible though. I was not a writer.

How can I do this, Lord? As my journey into the world of writing began, God started using that to get me out of my comfort zone. I started doing things I would never have chosen on my own if not for God’s nudging. Traveling on my own, attending writer’s conferences and speaking with professionals about my writing were all actions of a powerful force at work within me.

More pieces of God’s plan started to fall in place as I attended an Operation Christmas Child event and became a volunteer in Polk County, Florida. Before I knew it I was speaking in churches and schools sharing about OCC and The Greatest Journey and helping others plan shoebox events.

I still have such a long way to go and so much to learn from God in this life adventure. None of this would have been possible if I hadn’t chosen and put forth the effort toward a deeper walk with God. I desperately needed to allow Him to show me that my true worth will always be found in Him alone! Not in anything of this world. He isn’t just a part of my life. HE is my life. I exist because of Him. His purpose for my life is so much bigger than I could ever have imagined!

Satan meant for the depression and anxiety to destroy me and those I love. He meant for it to rob me of the opportunity to give everything I have to my Lord. He wanted to prevent me from sharing the gospel and ministering to a hurting world. It backfired and HE LOST!!!  Those horrible experiences only propelled me closer to Christ and stronger because His power is made perfect in my weakness! He gave me the courage to dream and believe He had a plan for my life and He would see it through.

Do I still have issues? Uh, yeh! Will I ever be completely free of depression and anxiety while I walk this earth? Probably not. They are my thorn in the flesh. Ironically, I don’t ask Him for complete healing anymore because my weaknesses help me want to stay balanced and focus on relying solely on Him.

Being a faithful Christ Follower will never be easy- it’s not supposed to be!  Ephesians 6:12 warns us that our struggles are not against flesh, but against rulers and powers of this world of darkness and spiritual forces of evil.  Satan will try to distract and distress us in any way he can find. But we can rest in knowing that we serve an eternal enduring God who doesn’t need us, yet wants us; who doesn’t give up on us even after we have given up on ourselves. A God that didn’t just come to save us, but to guide and sustain us through each day and all of the seasons of change in our lives.

"We must continue to work out our salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ]. For it is [not our strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in us, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in us the longing and the ability to fulfill our purpose] for His pleasure. " Philippians 2:12-13 AMP.  

Well, there you have it…

“My story” of (God’s) love that never gave up… freedom that was won for me… victory over the enemy…

“This is my story, this is my song, praising My Savior all the day long!”